You Sure You Want to Tell That Blonde Joke?
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A Blonde Cop? You Sure You Want to Tell That Blonde Joke?
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A BLONDE COP?
A female blonde was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
and was pulled over by a woman cop who was also a blonde. The cop asked
to see the driver's license. The driver dug through her purse and was
getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she asked.
The cop replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the cop. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde cop looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.
KEEPING A BLONDE OCCUPIED
How do you keep a blonde occupied?
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The big woman replies: "Well, sister, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm six feet tall, 210 lbs. and I'm a professional tri-athlete and bodybuilder. The blonde woman sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 lbs. and she's an ex-professional wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who's 6'5", weighs 250 lbs. and she's a current professional kickboxer. Now, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"
The brunette thinks about it a second and says: "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."
The other blonde takes it and opens it, and says, "You idiot that's a picture of me!"
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time. A new haircut and new color, a new outfit, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
She hangs up and the husband asks who it was. The blonde wife remarks, "Some girl wanting to know if the coast was clear."
He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T".
She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T". The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T".
The blonde finally decided to explain things and this time she said "T-G-I-F........... T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"
The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-ts T-hursday".
An engineering student comes along, sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walks away. After the engineer had gone, one blonde turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like a dumb engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"
HEAD & SHOULDERS
A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets in who
looks perfect -- 3-piece suit, great build, nice butt. The bad part is they both
noticed he had dandruff.
The man got off on the 5th floor. Once the doors closed, the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him Head & Shoulders."
To which the blonde replied, "How do you give shoulders?"
BLONDE RIDDLES
Q: What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
Q: A brunette, blonde and a redhead are all Grade three. Who has the biggest tits?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.
Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.
A BRAZILIAN
Two blondes are sitting in Starbucks. One looks at the newspaper and sees the
headline, "12 Brazillian Soldiers Killed In Conflict".
She then looks to the other blonde and asks, "How many is a brazillian?"
THE REDHEAD
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts
wherever she touches it. "Impossible", says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so, the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."